Posts tagged Short story

All of a sudden there was a sudden stench of rotting bandages and rotting flesh. That was never good, but being business partners with the god of the dead it was expected time to time.

The door between Osiris’ office and Zeus slammed opened as Osiris hovered into the room. He always hovered, something about how he was to divine to ever set foot on mortal soil, and he always slammed doors when he went through them, something about not knowing his own divine strength on this plane.

Like I said total dick.

“Zeus! The all mighty Osiris has come to speak with you about the current state of the bank!” He announced as he hovered himself into position in front of Zeus’ desk. “Things are not looking good.”

Zeus stroked his beard and gestured toward the chair.

“Take a seat Cyrus.”

“I shall gladly take a seat for it is my divine right!” Osiris positioned himself hovering over the chair in a seated position and Zeus had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. “As I said things are not looking good.”

“The last financial report said we were still sustainable for another ten or even twenty years though Cyrus, we’ve had this discussion. I even had Jesus look it over ten times to make sure. You need to stop worrying about this partner.”

“I cannot! For I am Osiris and all possible outcomes are open to my eyes!”

“You’ve been talking to Thoth again haven’t you?”

“He’s my financial adviser what can I say!?”

Zeus threw his hands up in the air and left them hanging in the air, prostrated toward his business partner.

“I thought we agreed not asking any prophetic gods for advice on this venture Cyrus!” Zeus got up from his seat and walked toward his window. “We agreed on just running a normal mortal business, one where we could have as much power as we used to, but still have it within mortal means.”

“If I, the all powerful Osiris, had not gone to Thoth before, this bank would have gone under centuries ago.”

“Cyrus!”

“I do not apologize, it was necessary.”

Zeus put his head in his hand. When Jehovah had ousted all the other gods but himself from the professional god scene they were all rife for purpose. This whole thing had been Zeus’ and Osiris’ coping method. An effort to “fit in” amongst the mortals, and Osiris had been ruining it for who knows how long.

“What’s the news from beak-face Cyrus?” Zeus said with a hint of defeat.

“In five years a financial downturn will hit the United States and many banks will go under, only to bought out by larger banks. Ours will be one of them.”

“So what? We’d be working with mortals?”

“We, and more importantly I, would be working under mortals Zeus. They would be our superiors.”

“Fucking hell.” Zeus shook his head. “What do we do? How do we avoid this?”

“Thoth has told me that it is unavoidable.”

“So why are you even telling me this? Let’s stay in business for as long as we can and just sell the bank when it starts going down.”

“No one will want to buy us out before we are completely ruined along with several other banks. It is inevitable.”

“Great Cyrus, you’re being a real help.”

“The only course of action is to liquidate our bank now.”

Zeus had met Osiris after he had been ousted as supreme divine being by Jehovah during the rise of Christianity. Leaving Greece and his family Zeus decided to travel the world for a while and bumped into Osiris in Egypt. Osiris was also getting a little tired of his divine part in the (under)world which was judging the Egyptians dead. It was a boring job he had always said. All he did was sit around putting people’s hearts on a big scale. All day everyday forever. Eventually he just replaced himself with a chute and a sign that “Place mortal worth here”, and went up to the surface.

They met and immediately found they had good business chemistry. Zeus was boisterous and impulsive, the face of any good business, and Osiris was driven and thoughtful, the brains behind the good looks. After talking about what kind of business they should open up for a few decades they finally decided they would make a bank.

Because really it would make the most sense to give your money to immortal beings with powers over time and space. Or at least that was there logic.

The two went to Italy, the birthplace of modern banking, and started their bank from the ground up. Now when I say the ground up I mean they literally shaped the Earth into a bank. Such a display of forth was a little heretical to the now Christian peoples but they thought it better not to ask to many questions. Instead the bank was a big hit and continued to grow to the Wall Street superpower it was now.

The only kink is Osiris and Zeus’ synergy was that Zeus hated Osiris.

Absolutely hated the guy.

The thing was that when you got down to it Osiris was sort of a dick. Not saying that Zeus didn’t have his bad days, but Osiris was just a prick. Spending so much time in judgment of others in the underworld didn’t just go away. If Osiris had an opinion about you it was going to stick until you died. And in particular Osiris thought he was a little better than Zeus. Osiris always told him about how Egypt was so much better, how their culture was better, how they had more sand. Always with the sand.

But Osiris had the business sense. Osiris had the ideas and the thought. Osiris had the connections. Osiris had everything to start a good mortal business except the balls to actually do it. That’s where Zeus came in. Zeus made the deals, Zeus threw the lightning bolts, Zeus did it all and Osiris was in the back working through the necessary work and channels.

He was the Egyptian-Ying to Greek-Yang.

Still a dick though.